Moms will be moms!

*Mona Lisa's Mother*: 'After all that money your father and I spent
on your braces, is that the biggest smile you can give us?'

*Columbus's Mother*: 'I don't care what you've discovered, you still could
have written !'

*Michelangelo' s' Mother*: ' Can't you paint on walls like other children?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?'

*Napoleon's Mother*: 'All right, if you aren't hiding your report card
inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.'

*Abraham Lincoln's Mother*:' Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just
wear a baseball cap like the other kids?'

*Mary's Mother*:' I'm not upset your lamb followed you to school, but I
would like to know how he got a better grade than you.

*Albert Einstein's Mother*:' But it's your senior picture. Can't you do
something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?'
*George Washington's Mother*: The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye.'
*Jonah's Mother*':' that's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really
been for the last three days.'
*Thomas Edison's Mother*:' Of course I'm proud that you invented the
electric bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed.'

Jesus & Satan

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering..
Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.'
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports .
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed  across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of   course, the power went off..
  Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
  Jesus just sighed..
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!'
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate.
    'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?'
God just shrugged and said,
JESUS SAVES.....